While i was laughing away at work with clients and colleagues, a shocking call came in between. "By, call mak urgent, bapak tenat." Then the line was hunged up.

Everything after that came in a blur. The first thought that came to my mind was to call back the caller which had called me, my hubby. Obviously his line was engaged. Tried several times but to no avail. What was i thinking? I called my MIL. She answered the phone and told me things in between sobs. I on the other hand was a blur + can't make out anything = PANICKY!!!

Then another shocking call came. My sis said she received a call earlier from my hubby saying that his father tengah nazak. I was like..., crazy. I'm tied up with tonnes of appointment and can't seem to put it off. What is more infuriating than this appointments not being able to reschedule is having to call my MIL, only to hear an engage tone for the rest of half an hour or so. I'm lost...

Next half an hour was a question of, 'will he or will he not?'. Telephone rang and it's for me. This time round was Dear in between sobs, "Dear, i want you to call Irfan's school and get him to come home soonest possible. Bapak don't look too good and i'm waiting for the ambulance." Without questions i made all the necessary calls and arranged my son's transport back home to his grandma's.

"Go ahead, i'll cover you, don't worry," said my colleague, Wee Seah. She must have noticed from my awry look and continuos anticipation of waiting for a phonecall, be it the company's or my handphone. "I'll just wait till Rosley call me then i let you know if i need to go soon, thanks."

All that started at 12ish. 1.30pm... 2.15pm...

"How's dad?" Doc says he's in critical condition. He advised family members to give all the moral support he can get. And braced themselves should anything were to happen. They (professionals) are and will be doing the best they can.

The next few hours are just a pacing up and down for Dear and his siblings. They can't see him, can't go in, can't ask. All that till the start of the visiting hours. With just only a glimpse of FIL through opaque curtains in the ICU as and when the nurses check upon his condition. Other than that, no information given.

I had enough of dreadful thoughts in my mind and being the only person in the Jimaen's family who is not present there now, i decided to knock off an hour earlier. Upon reaching there and seeing him lying on the bed with all the tubes (as big as my thumb) being poked all over his body, having his two hands tied up by the side of the bed, seeing him struggling trying to get up with his legs down off from the bed, his pulse rate beating like a non-stop drumline, his breathing like a fish being taken away of its oxygen, gasping for air, moaning and whining (all this unconsciously while teardrops slowly flow from his closed eyes) makes my heart crumbled...

Tears started welling. My throat began to sore. I realised after, i was already sobbing like a small kid. He may not be my real father, there were moments of feuds before, but after all that has passed, the bond that we share were nothing like what i had shared with my Papa. With my Papa, it was all talk and no affections. Everything was straight forwardly. But with my FIL, he would kiss my forehead, my hand sometimes, he would hug me and pat on me, he would hold my hand when we walk together. All these are the things i'm dying to do with my Papa. But we never get this close. I would really kill to have all these affections done with my Papa (gosh! how i miss him so much!!!). But i know it'll never happen...

45mins was all that i got just seeing him through glass door. I wished he had opened his eyes for me, but he didn't and before i knew it, visiting hours are over...